can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
