It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
