I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
