i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
