Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize