Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
