Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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