She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
