i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
