I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
