when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
