is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
