What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
