How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize