I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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