Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
where are my eyebrows?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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