I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
