My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
