Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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