We won't sleep together?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I wear drunk well.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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