Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
