That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
foreskin is a definite game changer
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize