I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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