i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
