Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
