i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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