its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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