So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
