i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
