You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize