who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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