So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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