Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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