U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I wear drunk well.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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