Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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