my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
