What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize