I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
