Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm having to shit out rocks
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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