i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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