We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
