i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
