I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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