he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
