i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
