I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
