someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
