When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have so many feelings about this burrito
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
