Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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