And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
