We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize