it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
