Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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