in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
