i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
