i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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