WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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