i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
