So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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