I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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