wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
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