Im at strip club and am horny
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
