i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
