Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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