The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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