I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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