who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize