The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
