This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
