im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is it because I queefed?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
