i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
