Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
