apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
