I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
