I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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