We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
